So, I love to read http://bakerella.blogspot.com/ because I love to torture myself with all of the amazing goodies I would fail at trying to make. And then... She was sent cupcakes, and there is one I think I might die to try:

"In the back is Pink Lemonade (Lemon cake topped with pink lemonade buttercream and hot pink glitter sugar)"

Holy crapcakes, Bat utility belt! That sounds bloody amazing!

I actually want to figure out how to do that and then try to make it...And then fail and cry, but still. GROMG.

"That wet farting sound you hear is the bounds of Canadian public discourse shrivelling just a little more"

Oh, Mark Steyn, you are fun. I don't always read your MacLean's articles, but when you catch my eye, I usually enjoy what I read. And yes, though your entire article was wonderful, I picked THAT line to quote xD

I have to go to my sister's work today to pick up a cheque from my mother, because she gets irate when I don't have food in the house. She doesn't seem to understand that I can survive on saltines and frozen asparagus. I don't mind taking her money now that she doesn't pay my bills, and doesn't have many of her own. Plus, I am so poor, especially with this move coming, that I welcome it.

So I am obsessed with getting freebies and coupons. Even though I rarely remember to use said coupons. I had a coupon for a free Orange Julius on a specific day. Didn't use it. I had a coupon for a free individual Boston Pizza. It expired. Now I have a coupon for a free appetizer with entree purchase at Red Lobster, but August whatever will probably hit before I go there, so there's another coupon wasted. Anyone going to be going to Red Lobster in the near future? I can e-mail it to you (it's the print-off kind)

I don't want to do anything today. I am so run-down. I am tempted to go on Depo Provera again so I will stop getting periods. Then again, what if, in the next year, I meet someone and we want to get married and have kids?

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I slay me.

I'm staying single until I get my shit in order, so yeah, good luck with that. At this rate, I'll be single for a long time.

JOB MARKET IS A SUCKS.

So, I love this show to death. When did that kid from X-Men get so hot?! Damn, I don't usually like blondes but she looks smokin' with blonde hair. Also? ♥ Sammmmmmmmmmm. *Female boner* Just enough beard and grey to be sexy, and looks good in a pair of jeans. Also? TURNS INTO A FUCKING DOG. BADASS. I want a boyfriend who is loyal and that will chase a stick! Plus, think of all the fun you could have with peanut butter! EWWW! Haha xD

True Blood is so enjoyable to watch. But there is one rather nasty question I have:

The vampires cry blood because they don't have regular bodily fluids, right? So, when Vampire Bill is fucking Sookie, is he essentially jizzing blood into her? I don't think they use "protection" so... Ew. Bill is pretty hot and all (when you don't watch it in HD and see how old and craggy he is) but I dunno if I could handle that.

Thoughts?

"Hey, I was grabbing a pot to cook with, and that thin silver pan fell behind the fridge"

*Blank stare*

"Yeah... So there's a pan behind the fridge..."

"Did you move the fridge?"

*Blink* "Yeah, 'cause I'm HE-MAN"

"You moved the fridge?"

"Yes... BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL... What the fuck, dude, of course I couldn't move the fridge, that's why I'm telling THE MAN to move it!"

"Oh"

"Yeah, Ima go eat, Greyskull, see you later"

I had to run a bunch of errands today. I got up late and searched in vain for something nice to wear that was summer-appropriate. I then abandoned this crazy quest and decided to wear this top I got a few years ago (a few inches smaller I was, too!) but then I couldn't find the top I usually wear under it that makes it a smidgen more modest by covering some of my boobs... But I was running late so I just said fuckit and went out in the top... Wasn't until I got on the bus and my boobs started bouncing around that I realized how revealing the top was. Yowza. So needless to say, my day was a mite uncomfortable from all the male (some female) stares I was getting directed towards my chest.

I wouldn't have minded as much if the rest of me had been looking ok, but I had just thrown my hair in a ponytail and slapped on some eyeliner. Bleurgh.

So I'm not going to have internet at first when I move, which sucks. I might be able to jack some sweet wifi if anyone in the building has it going on, but otherwise Ima have to go to the liberry and jack THEIR wifi. Meh.

Additionally, I think I need a good FWB again. I'm thinking of going on Depo again in anticipation of this happening, provided of course that I can find a new FWB who is not teh groooos (ie does not have a gf, disease, etc) and can do something for me. 'Cause what's the point if he's just going to come and go, right?

Apparently he already made another date with her for next weekend.

I want to hurt everybody.

How am I going to last three more weeks?

He left at five... Was home after 1:30...

I guess the little manipulator was on her game...

I thought that pwning her would make me feel better. It didn't.

I finally got some sleep, but most of my dreams were really violent. In the end, a wrecked car that was being lifted to clear a road dropped on the car I was in and I woke up.

Guys, I'm not ok. It's hard to admit that.

Why are men so callous? Why are women cursed to feel things so deeply?

There's no pill strong enough in the world to numb this. 75mg of Novo-Venuflaxine XR is not enough. I need a soul transfusion.

I have an idea for an invention that would so revolutionize the fashion industry, fashion designers everywhere would shit their pants in bliss at the mere mention of my name. I just don't know how to build it.

I did not sleep for even a minute last night. My mind is swirling with unhappy thoughts bound and determined to see my unrest.

Today is the day he meets his young internet whore. Today is the day he sold himself out for and threw away our friendship for.

I am cleaning, even though I detest it, to keep my mind occupied. He has come home from seeing his daughter and is beginning the process of primping, ie showering and applying a new layer of Axe.

I feel sick to my soul.

Jayne says:
Mommy will rub crap on you and feed you drugs, hot stuff and juice...maybe you will feel better
Ashee... I want Peter Stormare to punch me in the lungs and remove my phlegm a la Constantine says:
lol
that sounded sooo creepy
Jayne says:
lol
only you would find that creepy

I'm STILL really sick, so I am rescheduling my interview today so that I can see a doctor. 'Cause this just aint right. At this point, I need serious antibiotics.

Eric and I got in a huge fight last night because, even though we promised each other we'd wait until I move out August 1st to start dating, he broke his promise and made plans to "meet" (a la the interwebs) this twenty year old PregTeen (seriously, what the FUCK is the attraction that brings all these guys in?? Oh right, they're easily impressed by a crappy apartment or car, and guarenteed sex) so that was fun. And I also caught him lying to my face. Which is also fun. Because, if nothing else, I expected honesty from him.

Oh well.

Just me and my integrity again.

I am still sick! STILL! It got so bad earlier this week, I thought for sure I'd have to call an ambulance. I was sweating and couldn't breathe, but I was so cold, I had goosebumps and couldn't stop shaking. I went to take a shower but I couldn't feel the water temperature, so I had to get Eric to adjust it for me. Then I stumbled back into the room, threw on a tank top, couldn't get clean undies out of the closet, so just jumped into bed and curled up under the blankets.

Eric was being so sweet, rubbing my neck, checking my temperature... Um... Trying to have sex with me. Guys are so lame xD
OMG A VAGINA. DO IT.

Anyways, then the next day I got really sick to my stomach and thought I was going to spew from both ends, but I managed to keep it to one. Which end? You'll never know! :P

Now though, after a few days of sleeping ridiculously long hours, taking awful cough syrup, and trying to get my temperature down, I'm feeling a bit better. I'm not as light-headed or dizzy as I was and I can actually eat soup and toast (I went two days without eating more than a handful of Doritos because I couldn't stand any other food) and I have juice.

I didn't end up getting the job I really wanted, but I do have another interview set up for Monday. Not my ideal job, but hey, I need something.

Oh, Freck and I got approved for this pretty apartment we looked at. We were originally going to apply for an apartment upstairs that was opening up, but they wanted to charge some ridiculous $50 monthly fee to have a pet, which ISN'T EVEN LEGAL so we said fuck that and called Minto. Well, it's all the way out at Bayshore, which is a huge pain in the ass, and a lot of people think that neighbourhood sucks, but it seemed ok. Clean enough, at least. And there's a community centre with a police station really close. There's an indoor pool, hot tub, and a gym.

The apartment is nice, big enough, two bedrooms, parquet floors (not the ugly colour we have in this apartment, a nice neutral wood) has a balcony, and it's on the first floor, so it's easy to take Nenna outside. Plus, since we're on the first floor, they supply neutral blinds, so yay for not having to buy expensive blinds! I don't want to have, like, sheets pinned up over the windows. Ghetto.

So it's going to be a pain in the ass busing so far just to get anywhere, and my Dad and stepmom are pissed because right now I'm a fifteen minute drive away, and now I'll be about fourty minutes away, I guess. I don't drive, so I'm not sure how long it is by car. I will be closer to my sister though, so maybe I can harass her into taking me grocery shopping on the weekends, since the closest grocery store is at Lincoln Fields or something.

BAHAHA I just realized, I'm moving to Bayshore and interviewing at St.Laurent xD
I am such a tool sometimes.

So I was perusing punkottawa.com and I came across this:

06/26 - Rockalily Burlesque, The *New Impressions* of 2 FANS, Hush Money @ babylon - 19+/9:00pm/$10

Anyone heard of it? What's it all about? Anyone going/want to go?

My baby turns ten years old today.

EDITED

*Explode*

Today:

→Try not to die. Work on breathing. Exterminate snobbers.

Friday:

→ Class.
→ Apply for apt#13 upstairs
→Um. Read? Really nothing going on.

Saturday:

→ 9-11AM, volunteer at Main Street farmer's market painting kids faces. Good times.
→ Afterwards, probably go to my Dad's place because my stepmom is overhauling their kitchen and doesn't want to replace their backsplash, so she's paying (??) me to paint the ugly blue-stemmed flowers and make them pretty.
→ Force my dad to barbecue.

Sunday:

→ Pressure my sister into picking me and Nenna up to go to her place for a barbecue to celebrate Nenna and Capone's birthdays (Capone is June 10th, Nenna is June 15th) Really, I just want free BBQ.

Monday:

→ Interview at Dovercourt rec centre. YAY! :D
→ Celebrate Nenna's birthday for reals! Hot dogs! :D

All the time:

→ Be excited for August 1st, which means me MOVING OUT.

NO MORE CATS GETTING ALL UP IN MY FRIES! *happy dance*
NO MORE BALD GUY TALKING AT ME! *happy dance*
LIVING WITH MY BESTIE! *happy dance*

THIS

I AGREE

Go dig through your (usual/current) purse/wallet and post what is inside:

Oh man, this is going to be fun.

-Two DVD's I just bought at Bayshore because I remembered I had a gift card. Red Dragon, which I realized I might already have, and a combo of Hot Fuzz and Shaun of the Dead

-591mL Canada Dry ginger ale I've been nursing for two days now to calm my tummy

-Bottle of meds I picked up yesterday

-75ml tube of Herbacin Kamille UNSCENTED hand cream (SO GOOD! A must for eczema)

-Copy of Gustave Flaubert's Madame Bovary that I've been reading, among four other books xD

-TWO (yes, two!) organizers (one daily, one weekly)

-Flyer for Build-A-Bear Workshop birthday parties

-1GB Samsung Pebble MP3 Player (I don't need anything fancy... Actually, if I use an MP3 player with menus and whatnot, I end up scrolling more than listening to music, so I prefer this one!)

-Two packages of facial tissue (one empty...??)

-Little notebook (ADORABLE! Black with white giraffes that says "Longing" on it... Aw!)

-Little notebook with a Yorkshire Terrier on the cover (full of recipes I invent on the fly, and random notes to myself)

-Cheque book (most of which are VOID lol)

-Lint roller

-18ml Colgate Sensitive toothpaste my dentist gave me

-Black umbrella

-Bus pass

-Four random papers from the Central library

-An old grocery list I never followed

-Two pairs of 3D glasses from when we went to see Up

-One maxi pad

-Another grocery list, but one I followed

-Five Beech Nut Let's Grow info pages that you can plant (the paper is laced with seeds)

-Latest issue of MacLean's (best subscription ever... Until I get Rachael Ray, of course!)

-150 Facial Blotting Papers

-1GB Verbatim flash drive on lanyard (SO HANDY!)

-Empty package of Excel Winterfresh gum

-One package of Pringles Baked Wheat Stix, Honey Butter flavour

-Umbrella sleeve

-KFC coupons, inexplicably

-GUM Tutti Frutti waxed dental floss

-Assorted pens (one blue clicker-style from the Railway Association, one Pilot red hi-techpoint v7, one black Pilot hi-techpoint v5, one black Bic Ultra)

-Five expired bus transfers

-One orange sticky note with bus directions to some crappy mall

-Receipts (One HMV receipt, two receipts from two different Loblaws stores, one Zellers receipt, one Dollar-It, one Silvercity movie receipt, one LCBO receipt from Mother's Day, one Gateway Cigar store from buying a snack and drink, one Bourbon St Grill, one Claire's)

-Four bank transaction records

-Some cryptic note about Algonquin College's Woodroffe campus

-A business card from a Career coach

-This random note that says "CONTRADICTATORSHIP! New blog name? NC! Croutons. Money Order. Transcript" Weird, huh?

-One drawing for me from Nessa :)

-My makeup kit (tweezers, pressed powder, loose shimmer powder, Burt's Bees replenishing lip balm with pomegranate oil -LOVE!-, lipstick sample from Avon, TWO eyebrow brushes somehow, red shimmery lip gloss I only wear when I dress up, Covergirl Lash Blast Luxe mascara, electric eyebrow shaper, THREE black eyeliners, NYC cover stick, Black eyeshadow I use as liner, assorted eyeshadow brushes, eye pencil sharpener)

-My wallet (Assorted ID's, gift cards, points cards, discount cards, about 13 cents, coupons, Munny charm -CUTE-)

Oh man. I am a slob!

How'd you do? Post yours!

-My wallet

...she can't even jump to a conclusion


xD